her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
