I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
