Your tits are I can't wait for
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
