Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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