my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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