Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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