Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
