i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
