I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
