Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
