Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
