I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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