Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
