Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
