...so i touched it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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