The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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