I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
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