about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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