is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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