My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
