I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
