Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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