the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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