i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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