went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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