The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
