you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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