the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
