So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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