At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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