I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
