he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
