im gay
i know
yea but for you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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