its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
