You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
