shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
