I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you had me at cake vodka
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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