It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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