Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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