I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I had to cum in my sink.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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