mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
