Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
