i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
