Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
