I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
