I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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