I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
