She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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