My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Two words: blizzard sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
