I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to make out with him forever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
